Thoughts
by Mommy2Jacob
Summary: Zivas thoughts after her conversation with Ducky in Angel of Death. Ziva centered with slight references to a TIVA relationship. Per requests, I have added a 2nd Chapter.. Yeah! My first chapter story! : Hope you enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Notes:_

_Disclaimer: If I owned it, do you really think I would post the storylines here and ruin the episode for you? I own nothing but the notebook computer this was typed on and the bed I was lying in at the time._

_This came to me while lying in bed watching the tape of the episode Angel of Death. I love Nurse Carly. She is so fun!_

_P.S. I am looking for a beta and would like to be someone's beta in return. Please email me if you are interested! _

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Thoughts

"… Or like a wayward lover."

Oh Ducky, you have no idea. I did love Tony once, not so long ago, but now… Well, now he is in love with that Jeanne. I wonder if she even knows what he does for a living. Is that why he keeps her from us, or is he ashamed of the team he once considered family? I can't help but wonder if I am partly to blame. If we didn't have our 'fling' as Americans call it, would things be different? I don't think so but… It is silly of me to sit here and think these things. In the morning I will blame the tequila for doing the talking, but for now I will be content to just sit here and think. I wonder what Ducky would think of me if he could hear my thoughts. Would he laugh? Would he comfort me? Or would he, like so many other men in my life, just walk away? Would it be stupid of me to tell Tony that I never got over him? Whoa, where did that come from? I am over him, but he is still my partner and I don't want to loose him. I have had to train replacements before, but they were never as good as the ones I had before. I wonder why he turns his phone off when he is with her. What if Gibbs needs to get a hold of him? I wonder what would happen if Gibbs couldn't. Ducky is talking, shut up and let his words get inside.

"I am going to take my leave now Ziva. Do you need a ride home?"

"Thank you Ducky, but I think I will just call a cab. I need to make a stop of the way home. Have a nice weekend."

"You too dear. And Ziva, if you need to talk, I can listen just as well as I tell stories."

For the first time tonight I truly smile. "I know Ducky. Thank you. I will see you Monday." As he walks out the door I order once last round and ask the bartender to call me a cab. In the morning maybe this will all look different. Tonight it is just round after round of confusing thoughts swirling around in a tequila haze. Maybe tomorrow I will get up the nerve to have the conversation I have been putting off with Tony. A real one, before it is too late, and I lose him to Jeanne forever…

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_A/N 2: What do you think? Please review and let me know!_


	2. The Convo with Tony

"Good morning Ziva. How did your weekend go? I bet it wasn't as good as mine… Is Jenny in yet? I really need to talk to her." Tony said all of this really fast as he walked to the stairs leading to the Directors office.  
"Tony, I need to talk to you when you have a moment"  
"Sure, Ziva, but I have to talk to Jenny first. This is extremely important and it can't wait another moment." Tony smiles at Cynthia and just walks into the office.  
"Good morning, DiNozzo. What can I do for you that is so important I can't even have my first cup of coffee this morning without you bothering me"  
"I need to talk to you behind closed doors." He said as he closed her door with a snap.

Ziva was sitting at her desk watching the door to the Directors office with interest. She couldn't help but wonder what was going on with those doors closed. She had the feeling that it had to do with Tony's undercover mission. She just hoped that it wouldn't interfere with her plans to talk to Tony.  
"Ziva! Are you even there"  
"What? Sorry, Tony, I was lost in my thoughts." "Yeah, I got that. What did you need to talk to me that is so important"  
"Um, can we talk somewhere a little more private?" Ziva got up and walked to the elevator.  
As he pressed the down button Tony studied Ziva. He had no idea what would make the ex-Mossad officer look so confused. He started thinking back to their more recent conversations and to the way the team had reacted to his not showing up at the bar on Friday night. Of course they didn't know that he was at the hospital trying to keep two drug addicts from doing something stupid and protecting the woman he loved. "Ziva, you going to stand in the elevator all day? We do have some paperwork to get done and if we are gone too long, Gibbs is going to blow a gasket"  
"Sorry." Ziva walked into the interrogation room behind Tony and shut the door. "Tony where were you on Friday? I set at the bar until closing time waiting for you to show up. The whole team except Gibbs was there including Lee and Palmer"  
"I know... I had planned to be there but something came up and I couldn't make it. Why are you so upset? We go to the bar all the time as a team. Why was this time so important?" He couldn't help but notice that Ziva's eyes had clouded like she was going to cry.  
"Damn it, Tony, don't you get it? I am in love with you idiot! I have been since our little fling. I hate that I am losing you to that Jeanne person. Does she even know how you are"  
"Wow, um… Look Ziva, I love you too, but I can't do this right now. Jeanne is part of my undercover mission. I just discovered that she is 'The Frog's' daughter. If I pull out of this mission right now, I will get killed"  
"I understand, but, it doesn't change things Tony. I want to be with you. I have wanted you since I first joined the team. When I thought you were having phone sex I secretly wished I was on the other line"  
"No kidding? I thought I grossed you out. Look, Z, give me time. I have to see this mission through. I don't know why, but Jenny needs closure on this. Then I promise we can have this conversation again with a different outcome. I promise"  
Ziva smiled for the first time in a long time. "I will wait for you Tony. I believe you are worth it."

"It's about time this conversation happened." Ducky looked through the glass. "Maybe my words did the trick after all Friday night"  
Abby smiled, "You always know the right things to say Ducky. Now I suppose the next bet will be how long until Gibbs finds out." 


End file.
